


Exploring something new

by Satyana



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - Human, Bipolar Disorder, Discrimination, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28572519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satyana/pseuds/Satyana
Summary: Two lost souls randomely met at a bar one night.Each of them is suffering of their severe issues alone.Will they explore the sensation of the power of love together which can heal all kind of wounds?Or is it too late for their rescue?
Relationships: Alec - Relationship, Alec Lightwood/Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern | Sebastian Verlac, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Lydia Branwell & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Maryse Lightwood/Robert Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 26
Kudos: 63





	1. Exploring to leave the comfort zone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> This is my first story here and I have to admit I am beyond nervous ^^'
> 
> I hope you enjoy the ride and if you like it, you know, leave a comment or a kudo. I always really appreciate direct and honest feedback. After all I want to improve myself :)
> 
> A biiiig thank you to my dearest S_a_b_i_n_e who gladly agreed to beta my work. I am blessed having you in my life!  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/
> 
> Please be aware of the tags above.
> 
> Sadly I don't own TMI or any characters within. I envy Cassy for that.

„Gosh, Alec, finally ready?" Izzy screamed angryly across the house. "I`ll wait downstairs. Hope you`re finished within a minute or else I´ll come after you, young man!" Alec literally could see her eyes in flames, trying to burn everything down which came near her and wasn`t him. She was beyond pissed by now and he already felt the burning sting of her gaze through the ceiling, piercing his body with fireshots, desperately kicking his ass to end the hiding.

And she had all reason to be annoyed by now, because once again he had tried to screw up all her plans, whirled them around and spit out a new one. And it wasn`t fair, he knew that, he really did, but it was always fun to do it. It made her outraged, furious, it let her into killing mode. Yes, it was fun for him. The only fun he normally would feel on such evenings outside his comfort zone.

Because today was their monthly party evening together. The siblings did that since the day Alec had moved out to start his own life, away and far out of reach of the interactions of his parents. He had enough of them intervering. After all it was his life. 

So they spent more and more evenings through the week at his appartment, like having diners together or gaming nights. But once a month they would drag Alec out, to see people, to get communicative. 

Izzy was always meticulous with her preparations for these special nights by starting them days in advance, planning every single aspect of their dates and every time they were just perfect, he had to admit, but sadly never on time – mostly thanks to him.

He sighed and let his gaze trail towards the mirror in front of him. Longing to freeze time. Every minute in this room was a minute less outside. He really liked beeing with his siblings, but beeing with them outside was the big issue.

An alienated body unhappily smiled back and poked his tongue out at the picture of misery that he called himself. He still couldn`t believe that he accepted her one and only condition for their evenings – that only she was allowed to choose his outfits. Week after week another had to prepare for the night, but his cloth was Izzy's business. And hers alone.

And that was another big problem for him. After growing up in a toxic enviroment that normally should be a home where you feel loved, where you were accepted for who you are, no matter what, he transsitioned into a hollowed shell, protected by shyness and insecurities. His thick wards. He never had the mood for going out, meeting people. Certainly not like that. Definitely not like that. Like having a spotlight right above his head. 

He uncomfortably stepped aside. No way was this jeans surviving the evening. It was too tight and made it hard to even walk. Two wide steps and it would be ripped in tiny little pieces. And well, the shirt was just a joke. How could a fabric as thin as this could be called top? By anybody at all?!

No, that was definitely not ‚too sexy‘ – her words when she gave the outfit to Alec. He had an other opinion but as usual it didn't matter. He was used to it.

Still it was just too ridiculous for him and he thought it made a huge fool out of him. He wanted to fade into the shadows not stand bright shiny infront of them. But fighting didn`t help him either in this matter. He had tried whining earlier and she just gave him a look and laughed hard, remembering that pouting hadn`t helped since kindergarten... So at the end he just had to breathe in deeply and accept the reality, accept that the only attention Alec would get this evening would be some strange glares and laughs behind hands. 

At least he had a say in the colors. With black he hopefully would melt into the crowd as usual. Because at times he or Jace were in charge of planing the evening, they would always go to the same club. A metal club named 'Pandemonium'. A place for everyone who failes to be part of the common society. Where everyone is wellcomed with no acceptions whatsoever.

Alec sighed again and let his head fall down, not giving the final gaze most people did, before they would leave for a party. Perhaps he could get away with a migraine later on....

Alec left his old bedroom and headed towards the stairs where Izzy already glared at him. "Told you, I would come!" he said with a clearly annoyed voice. "Yeah, well, I appreciate it, really, can we go now? We`re late, again, and I don`t want to miss the start of this evening! Sheeesh.. and they say you have to always wait for the girls...." Alec dramatically snorted while she lightly poked with her elbow against his rib and snickered. "Not funny....”.

"So let's go," she insisted. “And why is Jace not coming with us...again?” Alec tried to change the topic, hoping she forget about the going out thing. “Because tomorrow is Clary’s big day for her acceptance at university and he helps her getting prepared.” “Yeah, sure, helping....” he emphasized his last word with quotation marks for what he only got a dark glare from Izzy and a simple push foward against his chest, indicating him that her patience is over, and finally both hurried down the stairs. 

The thin translucent long layers of her white dress were dancing along her legs. It was shoulder free and fitted her just like a second skin. Her long black hair was in a high ponytail with few selected curles framing her beautiful angel-like face. She looked breathtaking. No wonder that myriads of boys were standing in queue for her. To be honest Alec stopped remembering their names. He was never into judging his siblings' lovelife. But jealousy – that was a feeling he knew. Down there. Well hidden within his capsul of locked away emotions. Would there ever be a man watching him the way they are looking at her. With so much awe and glory.

Today he definitely had to keep an eye on her. She looked too stunning in her outfit. 

As they finally sat in the back of the already waiting cab, it was Alec’s chance to ask her what she had planned for today. It was their routine to endure the driving. Keeping Alec distracted so he didn't force the driver to turn around. "Soooo, my little devilish sister, tell me where do we go today?" he asked her with raised eyebrows and she only gave a mischievous glare back. "Shhhh, seeecret!" She tapped with her fingertip onto Alecs pouting lips. "You will find out early enough, my sweet big annoying brother."

With that she leaned forward towards their cabdriver to whisper the address. Alec let his head fall against the backseat and rolled his eyes. For the rest of the drive he kept his eyes closed and ignored her completely. Reminding her through his silence towards her how much he hates this.

The moment Alec felt her nervously fumbling and shifting around in her seat, he knew their destination wasn`t very far away anymore. Soon he would see to which club she had dragged him this time and therefore he opened his eyes to gaze around. After all, curiosity was such a bitch... And nothing had prepared him for this. In fact he almost nearly choked on nothing as he identified the area. He stopped breathing and he was sure he was going to have a heartattack. Well at least then he wouldn't be going out this evening anymore. He was considering it. Really, it was an alternative. Definitely better than this.

A death glare from him flew directly to Izzy and she ducked down, shielding herself instantly with her small clutch.

“I see you have a wish to die,” he said matter-of-factly. 

By all means Alec didn't know why on earth she would take him to this kind of club. She knew he wasn't into such stuff. And from her face he could see that she was sorry, at least she mouthed the words.

He hoped she would rot in hell for this. At least just for a minute. Frustrated he closed his eyes again. Fine. He could do that. It was an unspoken agreement that he wouldn't back down once he was at the place and in the past it was easy to fulfil. Alec really enjoyed the time with his siblings and time between them was always limited, since he moved out. He knew the fact, but this was different. This chosen club was mean. He just had an evil sister. Simple as that. After all he didn't have to guard her anymore. A plus he thought.

Once again he let his head fall against the backseat, hitting it over and over again. Perhaps if he got a migraine, she would have mercy and they would just drive back.

"Oh, c'mon on... give it a try. Pleeease. For meeeee?" She pouted, looking to him from under her eyelashes, wildly thrumming with them. "The puppy style doesn't work, your words actually,“ he hissed. 

"I am not going into a gay bar with you. That’s final.” He kept his eyes stoically closed. "Oh, you're no fun!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked to the ceiling trying to burn a hole in it.

Alec took a deep breath and rolled his eyes behind his lids. "Fine... but only for one drink! And afterwards we're eating diner at a place of my choice!" He sulked in despair. At least this he needed to win, getting back some of his pride .

Her countenance immediately cleared up and she cheerfully sprung up and down in her seat. "Promise!" She chirped into his ear while she embraced him. "It's paaarty time." She happily yelled as the cab finally arrived at their destination. 

While she paid the driver, Alec had time to let his gaze trail along the waiting line and resigned. There went his plan of vanishing into the crowd. With his dark cloth he stuck out like a black sheep among his colourful fellows. 

"Ready, darling?" And by that she entangled their hands and dragged him towards the entrance, denying him a real choice and ignoring the waiting line until they had to face the bouncer. In awe Alec watched Izzy as she got up on her tiptoes to reach his ear and whispered something into it. After a lascivious smile towards him, he nodded and they were free to pass, entering the last place he wanted to be right now.

Alec looked at his watch and immediately let out an annoyed breath. They had been here for only about thirty minutes. Of course time went by in slow motion here. He was standing at a wall in one of the farthest corners, merging with it while trying to get the longest distance between him and the dance floor, not giving Izzy the slightest hint that he might dance with her. At least he was in this club right now, that was clearly enough und should count for everything else. It didn't matter that she stood next to him with a grumpy face. She should have known.

After a while Izzy went away to refresh, clearly wasting time, because she finally emptied her drink Alec was desperately waiting for. And with that she left, leaving Alec standing in his corner, sipping at his forth whiskey shot. Alcohol was clearly a proper salvation in this uncomfortable situation and it already started to work its magic, making him dizzy and light-headed. He normally hated this state and never really got drunk, but he definitely hated this club more. It was just a decision between the devil and the deep blue sea for him and, well, the alcohol won. By a long way.

He let his gaze trail along the surroundings. The club was just cliché-ridden. The half-naked men dancing in rainbow-colored cages, rocking their bodies to the loud beats of the electric music. The light was dimmed down and only some spotlights were swirling around, showing the innumerable men on the dance floor, how they sweated, how they enjoyed themself, how they lost themself to the music and the moment.

The topless men dancing on the floor were hot, he had to admit, and the way they danced with each other was even hotter. It made him shiver in jealousy. The last time he got physical was almost seven month ago. A long time and he had to confess that the memory of being cheated on multiple times didn't hurt that much anymore. And it felt good, it gave him a feeling of relief. Perhaps he could finally move on someday.

And his sight directly went towards the sweating mass again. Some of the uncovered men were indeed really breathtaking, with well-defined muscles under lean tanned skin. Some had glitter on their naked skin, which let them sparkle like big stars on the night sky.  
Alec noticed that his blood slowly but steadily started to wander southwards and he tried to distract himself by sipping on his drink, but a beautiful sight in front of him caught his attention again.

A bronze skin colored, black haired man was dancing in a rhythmic pace to the music. He let his body erotically shift to the slow beat, his eyes closed, enjoying the wild motion, overwhelmed by the animalistic vibe. He was shirtless and on his upper body and his sexy abs, Alec shameless admired, was a glittery imprint of a back, as if he had pressed himself onto another hot body just seconds ago. 

Wait, stop, he thought to himself, that was not him speaking. He stopped midthought, pushing his view to the ground, trying to gain his focus back. Counting the floor tiles around him to get distract himself.

But it didn't work. Unfortunately his mind was already too drifted away, his instinct was outplaying his brain. And so he started to observe the stranger again. 

His eyes were framed by a line of dark eyeliner and a hint of glittery dark eyeshadow. The ravenblack hair was gelled up into spikes with deep red ends. The man seemed to be at little smaller than him, but nevertheless he stood out of the crowd, just as if he was the gorgeous, most valued treasure, among all these other breathtaking beautiful men. He clearly was the star which shone the brightest.  
His long legs were coated by nothing but a fine layer of bright skin-color fabric and just his butt and his groin were sparsely covered by a thin, almost lucent fabric. Hiding nothing while hiding everything.

Alec breath stopped at his sight. He had never laid eyes on someone with such perfect beauty. As the gorgeous man flung his hands up in the air when the music beat speeded up, he exposed the even more amazing sight of his flat stomach with a well-defined six-pack. He felt his body was betraying him. His heart rate rose, his pupils went slightly bigger, he began to sweat.

Inspired by this view Alec wondered what he would give to get the opportunity to run a hand through his hair, to touch his satin soft skin above his muscular flesh, to trail a caressing way around towards his back.

What had to happen that someone like him would have the honor to meet someone like this man on the dancefloor. Alec felt inferiored, this was out of reach for him. This jewel of a man was a few classes too high for him.

He shook his head frantically to get the intoxicating liquid out of his head, sobering him up. He was at the club with his sister, not to drool over somebody.

But well, was this not her intention? To get in touch? To actually talk to someone? Why else would she drag him here? Clearly not for the bookclub...

He took a short breath and gathered up all his remaining courage. He could do this. Be the version of Alec, he had long lost. The side which was ripped away forcefully. Step by step, like how water can melt a rock. But in this special moment, he was whole again. He would find the willpower to open up his lock and speak up to this man of his dream. He couldn't take his mind off of him. He felt like a moth hungrily flying around a lamp, wanting to get to the goal. But no, this was not correct, because he will get where he wanted to be. He will actually reach his target.

After placing his empty glass on a nearby table, he made his way towards the sparkling prey. The other man must have sensed Alec a few footsteps away, because his eyes were slowly opening and warm golden brown eyes scanned Alec‘s body and lit up in pure bliss like he just got a precious new gift. 

As he took the last steps towards Alec he tilted his head slightly up so he could whisper with a low seductively voice into the other man‘s ear, "You like what you see, darling? 'Cause I clearly do." And as proof he nibbled lightly at Alec‘s earlobe, sucking it in, his tongue sliding along the shivering skin. 

"Is that a yes?" he hoarsely asked as he heard Alec‘s soft moan.

Alec looked into his glinting eyes, giving him the hint that he hadn't misread the reaction. He couldn't take his vision away from him, locking their gaze, afraid if he looked away, that the moment would be over and he would crash on the hard ground of reality.  
His head stayed in this close position, so he could breathe in the scent and as Alec felt him rocking his hip against his, he definitely knew he wanted this as badly as Alec did.

His hands trailed along Alec‘s upper side and he pulled him hard against him, letting their bodies meet for the first time and the electric tension sprung over in small lightning bolts between their already tensed bodies. Alec didn't mind his roughness, not at all, quite the opposite, he enjoyed his straight forwardness.

They were both too busy with each other to notice that a very sad looking, small woman was just about to intervene. Fighting with herself but giving up in the end. With a trembling hand she stroke over Alec‘s upper hand. In shock he swirled around, letting the other man immediately go, feeling caught.

“Sorry, Alec, for interrupting, but mom called. We have to go.” She let her eyes apologetically wander between the two men. But she made it clear that this was not negotiable.

Normally Alec would eagerly, happily take this chance for leaving such a place. But now. With this out of this world beautifully man right in front of him... He closed his eyes and slowly breathed. This wasn't happening. But it was what he had expected. Clearly the two of them weren't ment to be. Universe hated him after all and he already knew it. His normal behavior was kicking directly back in place.

He opened his eyes again just to hear that the other man cleared his throat while he took a step back. Alec snorted in pure frustration. “I am sorry, you heard the lady. I have to go.” And with that he took her by her hand and turned around, heading towards the exit. Not looking back once, it woudn't make a difference, he didn't deserve someone like this man anyway.

But by this he didn't see the stranger frantically trying to walk after them, failing because his former dance partners were interrupting. He wanted to say something but decided to stay silent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bad started morning comes with a surprise for Magnus.

The dark bedroom was only lit by soft rays of morning sunlight through the narrow openings between the dark red colored brocade curtains. A small beam of light tickled his closed eyelids that were still half covered with glitter and eyeliner, annoying the sleeping man until he started to wake up hungover. Magnus wrinkled his nose and touched his temple, trying hard to rub away his migraine. The price to pay for drinking more than one cocktail.

Then it hit him like a blow and panic rose in his body. He tried to turn around so that he could catch a glimpse of his alarm clock and was startled. Fuck, she will kill him!  
He was not only late. He was late late. Like he had to be there yesterday.

When he turned again to get out of bed, an arm hugged him from behind and held him tight. Oh nonono, he totally suppressed that fact.   
"You want to go already? Stay a moment and maybe we'll start round two?" breathed the voice gently into his ear.

Oh god, he had done it again. Too much alcohol met too much flesh and his steadfastness had obviously gone.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He had neither the inclination nor the time to discuss something like that. "Look, Thomas ..." he began, but was interrupted by a quick wave of a hand. "It's Michael, but you've already said enough. I'll go then." A little offended, he got up and hastily gathered his clothes. With them in his hands, he walked quickly to the bathroom next door.

Fine, just fine... But to be honest this stranger had a point and it wasn't fair. For both of them. But no matter how hard Magnus tried to change his habits, it always ended up falling back on the familiar.  
In advance he had spoken to his therapist about it. Magnus knew the risk factors. Knew every single counterargument. He really felt stable but still he was weak, betrayed by his damned body.

Magnus huffed in frustration and got up too. "I'm really sorry," he called in the direction of the other man. "Drop it. I know I'm just a random number on your list of countless flings.”

The morning got better and better. That statement as true as it was, it felt like a slap in his face. But he deserved it and he knew that. But still, your reputation preceding you, hurt nonetheless.

“Yeah, whatever...” Magnus shrugged and gave up. Once again he fell silent. He was fed up with justifying himself. Nobody bothered to look behind his alsways glittery and shining face anyway. His glowing facade distracted too much from the black hole.   
When Michael came back, he didn't even look at Magnus, but turned straight away in the direction of the exit, uttering a frustrated "goodbye". Then the door slammed. 

Just perfect! He loved this fucking mornings already, so far it felt almost as he normally drank his coffee – black and bitter.

His eyes switched again to his watch on the bedside table. Damn, Cat was going to tear him up in midair. He was cursed.   
Depressed, he went towards the bathroom, from which Michael had come out minutes ago, and looked in the mirror only to look away in disgust. He always hated this ugly side of him. So hardened, almost cold-hearted. So selfishly taking. He hardly recognized himself while he was in such a phase. His escapades went out of control lately. Whether with sex or alcohol. Always looking for the next distraction, just for not having to approach the real problem. 

Why did his glamorous, glittering and happy version of himself always have to drift off?  
Since when was he overruled by his emotions? Ruled by his moods which were swinging like the pendulum of a clock. He was sick of it!  
He wanted to stay the old Magnus. Damnit! He loved the normal version of himself, was proud of himself. He was good and he would fight staying good.  
But somehow his body just went on autopilot.

'Focus, Magnus', he reminded himself, 'Cat needs you. Now more than ever. She needs a strong partner to be able to build the business.' 

He turned his eyes back to the mirror and tried to refresh his makeup and save his hairstyle, ruined by the last night. It was too late to take a proper shower. He went to his closet and quickly took out the best outfit that fell into his hands, got dressed quickly, put on his rings and necklaces, and headed for the door. At least now he looked like the average version of himself.

On his way to the appointment he urgently needed a coffee. Double. Preferably with a Martini to counter the bumpy start.

He went to the elevator and wondered why he brought that guy home in the first place. He had been determined not to do anything but dance in that bar yesterday. He really wanted to prove something to himself. That he was in control. That his whole new world, the therapy and the medication were working in perfect harmony together. But who was he kidding? He failed.  
Because the moment Magnus noticed that an unknown young man was approaching, and therefore he opened his eyes to see who it was, he was blinded by his stunning beauty and something clicked.  
There was something special about him and Magnus felt almost bewitched, like on drugs. The other man was standing just a few inches away and his hazel-colored eyes were scanning him. From top to toe.  
He was tall, dark-haired with a pale complexion and his face looked as if it was painted by angels.   
He had an uncontrollably desire to speak to him. He really wanted to get to know him. At least that was what his mind wanted to do. Be innocent. Be just him.  
But in the end his intoxicated body did something else. Again, always the same in the end, his body only wanted quick pleasure.

And in the next moment the other man was gone. It was just the blink of an eye and Magnus felt lost. Too lost to be able to handle or process his emotions and needs. And then he projected all of his feelings onto the next best available guy. God, he had a real problem.

The elevator arrived at the ground floor and Magnus headed directly to the exit, waving a hand to the friendly old man at the counter who answerd with a small nod. 

„I wish you a good day, Mister Bane.“   
„Thank you, Christopher, I really need that,“ admitted Magnus.

At the revolving door he watched the crowd hurrying by. One brisk step and he disappeared into the mass of people.  
Magnus steadily increased his walking speed to the point of almost running. He couldn't get faster. Half of Brooklyn seemed to have gathered on the sidewalk. But it was of no use, he had to hurry. 

After ten minutes of running he got to the final block where he only had to turn right to get to his appointment.   
A quick look at his watch, he was still late. Okay, his life would be ended in a few minutes by his friend Catarina Loss. What a loss....

Today was the day they were hosting their biggest photo shoot of the year. And he just wouldn't be there in time. Every single magazine imaginable would print these pictures because they got an exclusive contract with the most popular US band. The shoot was for their new record, coming out next month. He once again sped up while he looked down at his watch again. He really got nervous. Just roughly ten minutes left. A small smile began to spread on his face, he could make it if he really tried.

He went around the corner and the next thing Magnus felt was him crashing into a solid body.

The unexpected impact knocked him back. Magnus stumbled and landed on his back, his head hitting the hard ground.  
For a short moment he was overwhelmed by a comforting darkness. But the burning sting of hot liquid runing down his chest pulled him slowly out of his clouded mind. He tried to open his eyes but he instantly lost focus therefore he decided to better leave them shut. 

Seconds later he felt the presence of a person at his side, kneeling next to him.

“Fuck... I am so... so ...sorry.” His voice sounded panicked, guilty and somehow familiar from afar.

A hand brushed over Magnus‘ upper arm soothingly while the other tried to stabilize him.  
"Every…. Everything ok…. Is everything ok with you?" the man asked stuttering.   
Magnus felt two soft claps at his cheek as if to wake him up. It helped him to focus. Ignoring once again the ringing pain in his head, he tried to open his eyes. A burning stitch went through his body and he winced in pain.

“Damnit that did hurt,” Magnus hissed through gritted teeth.  
"By the angels, I'm…. I'm so…. truly sorry, didn't see…. you coming. I… I swear…. I havn't seen…. you coming." 

How could his stuttering voice be so soft and sweet while caressing at the same time?

"Can you please open your eyes?" The sound of the voice became more demanding. It was the first connected sentence and laced with fear.

So Magnus did him the favor.

He opened his eyes and looked into hazel-colored ones.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :)
> 
> Oh dear, you all made me so emotionell with all your kind comments, your kudos and bookmarks, I want to say thank you so much! That all means the world to me!!
> 
> And sorry for the delay. The time is tough right now, not only for me but for everyone. 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy :)

He blinked once, twice, three times, but no matter how often he closed and reopened his eyes, the colour of the other pair did not change at all. The familiar beautiful, breath-taking hazel-colored eyes kept staring at him and the world came to an halt. Frozen in time.

Magnus didnt't notice the people rushing by, trying to avoid bumping into them, or the fact that it was November and the ground on which he was sitting felt like ice, or the coffee dripping its way down his clothes and beneath.

All he did feel, even through the smallest of his cell, was the fact, that he could look right through the other man's eyes. It brought his gut a ton of butterflies, made his knees wobbly weak and put his mind in a state of pure bliss. Flames of new, fresh, wonderful feelings were flickering through his veins. He found a source, a fountain, of pure life energy and he knew within this short fleeting second, that he was addicted to it. 

All he did feel was his urge to lean into his heat radiating arm which still lingered on his upper arm. More so, he had the ultimate urge to lean fully into an embrace with him. 

This man needed to stay in his life.

He blinked one last time. Just to make sure, that this was not a dream. That his clouded foggy mind hadn't played a trick on him. Or that he fell into a coma, caused by his fall on his head. And he was now experiencing an afterlife or an other dimension.

But the eyes stayed. On his level, closely watching him, trying not to miss the smallest movement of him. Did they look concerned? For him? Would there really be somebody who got concerned for his wellbeeing?

Magnus felt a slowly rising panic overwhelming him. How can this all be? It was not his average luck to run into a man, beautiful as him, twice within 24 hours.

Out of millions living in New York. How? Why? What the actual fuck? So many questions Magnus didn't get answers to. 

Anyhow, what was the matter with him? Why did he have to swallow the urge to run away immediately? After he had found him? Against odds? Feeling fear in this situation was the least emotion he would have expected, to acutally feel now. Self-confidence came to his mind. Or flirting. Or just being talkative. That would be his reaction under normal conditions. But where was his averege form of himself? His world went litterally upside down since a month ago. And all he could think of was the wish for this status to. After all he did deserve happiness. He too, deserved to have luck at some point in life, to find this man now, right?

But nevertheless his system was nearly about to overload, close to a burn out due to the excess of stimuli. So many questions, too few answers were hammering in his brain. His thoughts were spiraling down, too confused to explain it at all and not enough prepared for it. But he had to pull himself together very quickly. And please with grace.  
The silence had been going on for far too long. What would his counterpart think of him? He had do something quickly, it would be his chance after all.

“It's... you.” So much for the grace part, Magnus wished his voice hadn't hit such a high note and hadn't been a bit too reproachfull as well. Well, actually he wished he could delete his babbling. The other man deserved something eloquent and intelligent.

“Ehm, yeah... and.... you.” the other man replied completely confused. He cleared his throat and let his eyes scan Magnus' body. “I am really sorry. You sure you're okay?” It sounded a bit insecure, but apologetically.

“No, darling, only my pride got a crack or two... But nothing time won't heal.” _There you go _, he thought and was glad he had finally found some of his active braincells. Not many, but he took every single one, to achieve this important mission, to eventually get to know this stranger. He just had to reboot his charm and he would be back on track.__

____

____

“And excuse me for my rudeness... How are you? After all, I ran into you too.” He tried to avoid his thoughts realising, that his body crushed frontal into the other man. Every single front zone of him had kissed his own body. The delicious middle part of the younger stranger had hit him somewhere. The stranger was slightly shorter, where had his memb... no! He woudn't go down that road. Really, what was wrong with him? First he couldn't get a single word out and now he was over the edge. Magnus was beyond annoyed with himself and counted to five in his head.

To change topic of his thoughts he scanned the other man for injuries but didn't get far, staying on his face, admirering his high cheekbones, straight nose and his full lips. Soft lips. Kissable lips. Damnit... he was lost...

How was it possible that a complete stranger could outplay first his mind and now his body? It scared him that he would lose touch with his head and body lately.

“Perhaps I can help you up? I guess it is freezing down there.” he asked, got up and shook his legs, which had fallen asleep from squatting. 

“Do you read yoga-mantras on CDs?” Magnus closed his eyes while wondering what he was saying. A huge wave of frustration build up in him, triggered by the senseless mess of words, but he tried to meet the other's glaze again, because he had a point, his voice was unique, soft, reassuring, no matter how high Magnus' coffeine level would be, this man could bring him to sleep. Or through physical exhaustion...

“Ehm... what?” The eyes of the other man started to flicker over Magnus' body and he could see the inner monologue of how he should answer to that. The confusion, the amazement, the worry. To Magnus' astonishment in the end he decided to remain concerned. “You sure you have not something .... like a... concussion... or worse? I better call 911.”

“No... I am ok... just a few problems finding my words.” Magnus told him honestly. “But your voice _is _calming.... nonetheless.”__

__Deeply embarrassed the other man shyly looked away. His pale face flushed slightly._ _

__“Darling, you should be told this more often.” The other man felt caught, at least he blushed even more, which Magnus saw as a clear sign. He couldn't believe it, how was it possible that no one noticed him._ _

__“No!” That came out too instantly and definitly too harsh. Magnus raised his hand in attempt to appear innocent, didn't want to offend the other man._ _

__“Only for the record, it would have been a shame, if no one did, your voice is... remarkable.” He wanted to say so much more, but was sure that he would only scare the person in front of him._ _

__They always told him, he was too fast and too needy. In love there was only all or nothing for him and the few times love found him, he always loved fiercful. But whatever he did, no-one appreciated his effort or returned his feelings the same way, so he just locked love out and relied upon flings. At least they brought physical pleasure while his soul stayed restless. He learned his lessons, he could be slow and he definitely would be, this was worth taking the path of restraint._ _

__“But, you're right, my rear is frozen.” Even though thinking about his butt and the other man's butt unfreezed him instantly, he stuck to the statement. Two seconds for the new road had to be enough._ _

__“Let me help you.” He held his right hand out for Magnus to pull himself up. Nausea rose inside of him and he got lightheaded. The younger man sensed his instability and held him on the hips, supported him with his body and Magnus felt immediately at home._ _

__"Got you...breathe deep in...and out... it will get better soon." His left hand went to Magnus back, rubbing him in slow circular motion to soothe him. Magnus had to fight for life to not lean into his shoulder and cuddle, but it was not a crime to exploit it by staying that close._ _

__“Thank you.” Even if talking runs the risk of pulling apart, Magnus wanted the other to hear that._ _

__The younger man looked completely amazed. “For what?!”_ _

__“For what?!... for staying?... for helping? ... for multiple reasons...”_ _

__“Yeah, but I was the reason for this mess.” In that moment Alec remembered Magnus, one of his eyebrows went high._ _

__“But it's New York, normally the other would have laughed hard, spil the rest of the coffee on me and walked away.” Magnus was dead serious with this, but the younger man laughed heartily and Magnus' heart beat faster._ _

__“Well then I am different.” he admitted and grinned mischievously._ _

__“This it seems to be...” His cheeks promptly started to blush and his gaze wandered to the sidewalk. Magnus took advantage of the moment and checked him out. He was dressed differently to first time they met, actually quite the opposite. But still, under the greyish, loosly fitted jacket and the dark-colored military pants was the same beautiful man from the day before. His raven black hair was a mess, but his beauty stayed the same. He stood out brightly against the crowd of people, Magnus had to admit._ _

__As if Alec could feel his eyes, his blush deepend. He cleared his throat and looked directly into Magnus' eyes. The other man had to swallow hard to not get drunk by his look._ _

__"Is…Is it ok… ok for you if I check … the back of your head? I didn't see blood on the ground…. but you… you can't know for sure." By the end of the sentence he started to bite on his lower lip, completely unsure if that was an appropriate question, but Magnus could clearly hear his health concerns._ _

__"You never have to ask for touching me, darling," the other man assured him. Alec blushed even more, but it didn't dissuade him from slowly and carefully examing the back of Magnus' head with his hands._ _

__Intuitively Magnus closed his eyes and leaned against his caressing hands, deeply sad the moment the other man turned away after finishing his examination._ _

__“Only a small bump. You should cool it at home.... and again, really sorry for all... for spilling on your coat...”_ _

__“My coat? Oh fuck...” Memories dawned at him very fast and with this, the realisation that he was there, at the sidewalk, for a reason and it wasn't to chat with Mr. Beautiful. And more importantly he was running out of time. "Damnit," he cursed. He wasn't allowed to screw up the photo shoot. Everything depended on perfect pictures, his perfect pictures, and he would make every single one with passion and devotion. Like he did every day. Work was not only necessary for him to live, no, he was absorbed in is work. It was a pleasure for him, his stable bliss in life. He was a photographer out of deep passion and therefore his brain was already in full work mode, rushing through possible backgrounds, light modes, perspectives, and his fokus started to shift, his mind snapped away and the other man's presence slowly faded._ _

__Alec seemed to realize Magnus wasn't quite there anymore, distracted, but put it on him and for a brief moment, barely noticeable to the outside world, his features darkened, when Magnus patted his shoulders and said, that he had to go immediately._ _

__As Magnus, completely lost in thoughts, turned around in a rush, the other man stopped him with a strong grip. “Wait... please...I want to pay for the cleaning.” But his words didn't get through to Magnus any longer. “Don't worry, just call me and we'll see.”_ _

__And with that Magnus turned around again and headed towards his original destination. Not looking back once and therefore not seeing that the stranger was about to yell something he couldn't hear anymore, yelling after him that there was a huge problem to fulfil his offer. He was not aware how big a mistake he had just made. The biggest so far in his life._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update soon, promise :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Happy upcoming week to all of you !!  
> Lots of love

“Caaaat?” Magnus yelled, the second he opened the door, and ran to the young woman who immediately poked her head around the corner to see why her friend called for her so self-pityingly. The studio, normally full with customers, was closed today because of the upcoming event. When she saw his puffy and reddend eyes, she carefully placed the camera on the table in front of her and walked up to him with open arms, hugged him and began to calm him.

Their beloved studio was generous in size. It had a lobby where the cash was situated and a waiting area with chairs and a couch. Further back was a place for taking passport and other quick photos. Around a corner a corridor led to a space with several tables with all kinds of different cameras and other equipments on it which led to separate rooms in which various photo sessions could take place.

“Shh, honey, breathe.. everything will be fine...” She rubbed his back gently and hugged him even tighter to show that she was there for him. She had always been there for him since they first met, back in eigth grade, when his mother moved to New York with him and he had to go to a new school again. The sixth one. Catarina was family to him, a sister he never had, his lighthouse on the stormy sea. She had made everything better just by beeing with him. He loved her for that and for everything else that she was, unconditionally.

“Nooo... nothing's fine, Cat,... I did something horrible.” He sighed deeply, let his head fall on her shoulder and snuggled up against her, holding her tight as if his life depended on it. 

“You beeing late, thaaaat is horrible. Everything else we can fix, I am sure...so...” But she got no further, it was directly interrupted by an overly dramatic sigh on his part. “Okay, tell me about it.” Carefully and not interrupting their physical contact, she went with him to the maroon couch in front of a stonewall nearby the large window front and sat down with him.

“Ican'tbelieveIfoundmysoulmatejusttoloosehimtwice.” His words gushed out of him and were hard to understand because he was still huddled against her shoulder. A shoulder that always gave him strength and comfort. But it had been necessary too often for his taste as he suffered too many defeats. Heck, he wasn't even able to hold onto the grand prize when the jackpot literally ran into him.

She took his head gently into her hand, lifted it up so she could look him straight in the eyes and caressed his cheeks encouragingly. “Magnus, sweety, calm down.... and please repeat.”

“I met someone special and lost him immediately.... twice...,” he said in despair and grimaced. He couldn't believe he would ever say that, how absurd that sounded. How could that happen to anyone? But of course it did happen to him. 

“I went to that club, yesterday, and met an extraordinarily beautiful man and before we had the chance to talk..”

“...or kiss...,” she interrupted him snickering, earning herself a mock offended look from Magnus.

„... Noooo, of course not... I am a gentleman!“ he said and put his index finger on her lips, thereby preventing any further interruptions on her part, knowing full well that in the past he became physical one, two, three times too quickly. And she just knew him too well.

„Okay, and I may have been a drunken gentleman...“ he admitted embarrassed, well knowing how the upcoming reaction of her would be. „Oh Magnus, why didn't you call me?“ However, she did not judge him; on the contrary, she looked at him with sympathetic eyes. „I would have been there for you. No matter the time... You know what we promised each other at Dr. Garroway.“ She pressed a long kiss to his forehead.

„Drop it, please...in the end, he left... buuuut, out of the blue we just met, well more bumped into each other... and this time I left without talking properly. My mind clouded up being busy with this damn appointment and the fact I was late that I just left... And when I saw my mistake and ran back, he wasn't there anymore. I mean, sure, why should he wait? Me and my luck... “ His right hand formed a fist and hit the back of the couch. He got up qickly and began to walk in circles around the room.

„I mean, Cat, how can that happen? You know how I get sometimes..“ Annoyed by himself he ran his hands through his hair and let his arm fall again. „Yeah, obsessed...“ she said while sticking her tongue out at him, gaining herself a dismayed look. „Passionate was the word I was thinking of, but thanks.“ He reached out to her and slaped lightly against her arm showing his disapproval. 

Cat gave him her special look that he would never ignore, the thoughtfully one she used when she was fighting inside wether to say or leave something be.

„Caaat?“ he asked in a way that Cat knew, she had to be honest. The cornerstone of their friendship had always been their openness and honesty. It was a common thread that both clung to. Too often had they met people who played fast and loose with them, who didn't mean well. And a deceit, betrayal or disregard of those who should actually protect you, of the people who should love you, hurt the most and each time the heart broke all over again. Up to the state where there was nothing left to repair, the splinters were broken too small for it to be fixed. Therefore, they deserved absolute honesty, trust and love from one another. They built up a protective wall for everyone else.

„Okay, okay...please ...don't ….look at your ...mobile phone.“ she stuttered.

„Aha...And whyyyy shouldn't I?“ He knew she was hiding something severe which wasn't going to improve his situation and his mood for that matter.

„Promise, you won't be mad.“ Acting fearfully, she held one of the couch cushions protectively in front of her face.

„You know, promising something you have no other information about is kind of not working. If cushions could safe you,“ he said smirking. „So come on, tell me.“

„Their plane is delayed for two hours,“ Cat said with an apologetic smile and quickly added a mouthed sorry.

Magnus froze for a moment and didn't know wether to laugh or to cry. He shrugged and smiled at her hysterically. „I must have misunderstood you. It was as if you said I ran from my husband-to-be, the future father of my kids, for no reason?! Well, well, that's ironic now.“

Magnus was totally lost, too confused to quite know what he should do next. Too much had happened for his brain to process correctly. It felt like a great disaster. His mouth opened and closed like a tadpole, unable to start a sentence.

Cat got up, walked towards him and hugged him. „Look, at least you have time now to change. Your coat looks like a barista had vomited on it.“ And with that she gave him a kiss on his cheek and started to walk to her camera. 

„Change now, Ragnor and Raph will be here soon, too. And don't worry, Magnus, fate will be kind to you,“ she said looking over her shoulder.

„Sure, because fate has always been on my side so far...,“ Magnus answered sarcastically. „Fate doesn't know my name. Hell, it doesn't even know that I exist.“ His tone turned bitter. „I should forget him, it is for the best. I wouldn't find him again anyway. Not remembering him anymore - no chances for further disappointments.“

Cat poked her head around the corner again und smiled warmly. „I know you won't believe me, but someday someone will come along who will tear down your walls and perhaps he is that one person. So, please don't give up hope, we will find him. You know what? A few days ago I saw a post on instagram. A man, sitting in a cab, saw someone in a bus, posted a Tweet and they found each other in the end. So we will find your Mr. Dreamy as well! Let's talk about the 'how' later.“

He looked at her with new hope. „Cat, I really don't want anyone, I want to get to know _him _.“ He didn't mean to sound like a boy running out of his favourite ice-cream. „Magnus, honey, we will succeed!“__

__Magnus just shrugged, turned on the spot and left the studio in the direction of his apartment. He no longer knew what to make of anything._ _

__

__Magnus turned the doorknob of his apartment and entered. After slamming the door shut, he leant against the solid wooden door and sighed. What a shitty morning so far._ _

__With a loud sound he let the key find its right place in a golden bowl above the cupboard on his right. The same place he had picked it up less than an hour ago. He deeply exhaled and only inhaled again when the urge to breathe became unbearable. God, he was exhausted without even having worked a one single minute. 'A long way to go Bane', he tried to cheer himself up, failing miserably._ _

__He shuffeled down the hallway towards his kitchen. The bright magenta colored walls of the room made him always smile. Cat had done the painting while Magnus was a week in LA, shooting a huge project for a worldwide known fashion magazine almost a year ago, just cheer him up after the final break-up with Camille. It had been one of his weakest moments, as if he were lying battered and smashed on the ground. He had come back from the trip, barely recognizing his appartment anymore. Every room had been painted in another bright colour. He let the radiant joy of life reach his heart and tugged his friend into a long embrace, aware of his luck having her as his family._ _

__Magnus switched on his coffee machine and while waiting for his much needed elixir of life, he gave Chairman, his cat, food he totally had forgotten this morning. With a deathly glance the cat started to eat hungrily. “I deserved that,” Magnus admitted and petted the big old cat. "Be patient with me, my morning sucked."_ _

__He took the coffee and headed towards the bathroom which was a special room for him. Cat had painted it in black with a golden shimmer to it, it looked magical. With the attached decoration it was like a dream world where all the magic could happen. Sometimes the magical love action, but most of the time the magical transformation of an average man, no-one would recognize (at least that was what he thought), into the special person everone knew as Magnus._ _

__Glad to have the time to take a proper shower now, he stepped into it and enjoyed the rain of water over his body, trying hard to avoid thinking of at best anything, surely not about the missing man in his life. After he got out of the shower and dried himself off, he looked into the mirror in front of him and instantly a pair of hazel-colored eyes was looking back. Amazed he blinked once and the image faded away. This had to stop, he knew that for sure. Yes, the young man was extremely pretty and yes, he would have done things to him back there at the club or even at the middle in the pavewalk, but he had fucked up in that matter and he now had to concentrate on work. So he hoped he could be a good boy for now and stop hitting puberty all over again._ _

__Surprisingly he did obey himself this one time and as if he had sobered up, he could change without another distraction. This time he was able to choose the outfit to match perfectly, an outfit he was totally comfortable with. He thought of himself as handsome in his tight dark green corduroy pants, a winered velvet v-neck shirt showing his muscular chest underneath and the two black necklaces, combined with boots and belt in the exact same black shade. He kept the make-up simple, nothing special or fancy, just a little greenish eyeshadow, kohl and a slightly shining lipbalm. He finished his look with glittery spiked hair and green highlights in it. He was pleased with himself and ready to go._ _

__So he headed for the exit, took his phone, keys and another coat on the way out and went to work again, starting round two of the day._ _

__

__This time he got to his studio without further incident. Magnus wasn't sure if he was really happy about it, somehow he had hoped for something to happen. But for what? Did he really think that he would bump into _him _again? Surly not. Realistically he had no hope of seeing him ever again._ _ __

__

__

__He stood in front of the huge building in which their studio was. It was covered in red clinker stone, had six floors and their premises were located on the ground floor which was perfect for acquisitioning new customers because all windows could be used as an exhibition of their pictures, showing off their skills._ _

__Cat and Magnus had found this jewel directly after their arrival back from France to where they had moved six years ago to study photography in Paris. At this time Magnus had inherited enough from his father to make this dream come true for both of them. They made their bachelore, but a year before their master they had to move back again because ...well... reasons._ _

__Actually, only Magnus had a reason and Cat had just followed his path like she always did, never even once thinking of leaving his side. Instead she grounded him, made sure he was safe and sound, or comforted him whenever he needed a warm embrace or the feeling of being loved._ _

__So they went back to New York two years ago with no money left, no high degree and no idea of what to do now. Just the two of them plus Ragnor who they met back there and with whom Cat fell in love, and that had been all that mattered in the end._ _

__Until one Wednesday morning a huge chance had waved at them and they instantly grabbed it._ _

__As usual, the now three of them had been sitting in their favorite coffee shop, sipping on their drinks and reading the local newspaper to find a job which at least would pay their rent for the upcoming month. Behind their table had been an older lady sitting and chatting with a young man. Magnus had known it was rude to overhear their conversation but some keywords caught his interest. Apparently her heart wasn't doing fine and she had come to the conclusion it was time to give up her beloved flower shop not far from there and she needed to find someone who would rent it. Her grandson should help her with all the bureaucratic stuff and the ads._ _

__Magnus had looked at his friends, grabbed them by their arms and pulled them with him to their table._ _

__"Excuse me, madam, I'm really sorry to interrupt but, uhm, my name is Magnus Bane and these are my lovely friends Catarina Loss and Ragnor Fell," he had begun to explain while pointing at them. For him it was now or never and he silently had prayed to all gods out there to let this work out._ _

__She had looked at them with her dark brown eyes and indicated to take a seat next to her. Her face had shown every single year of her age, but her eyes were spraying with curiosity like a young girl._ _

__"Well, hello dears, my name is Rosa Santiago,” she had started with a kind smile, “and this is my grandson Raphael. It's a pleasure meeting you all. How may we help you?"_ _

__"Mrs. Santiago, I am really sorry but I have to admit that I overheared your conversation, but honestly on the other hand I am glad I did, because we would love to rent your shop.” Rosa had not been the only one speachless, Magnus' friends had looked dumbfounded as well. They would?_ _

__“Firstly, I like your direct manner, Mr. Bane. Secondly, apology accepted. Thirdly, let's talk, but with tea and cake,” she had stated amused. They chatted through the morning and by noon the three of them had Rosa's commitment. It was a pleasure for her to support young visionaries by giving them a real chance. She saw something special in their future upcoming and would help them as much as she could. And the whole group had cried many tears that day, not believing their luck; it had been a memorioable day for all of them._ _

__Everything after that lifechanging meeting was history. A few days later, they signed the lease and started to live their dream by opening their own photographic studio. Magnus and Cat would be taking the photos and Ragnor would take care of the administrativ stuff and the advertising. From this day on Rapahel had joined their small group and all of them formed a tight-knit community. More so, their family had grown to a supportive, loving quartett._ _

__And fortune stayed on their side. From day one their newly opened business was working just fine. Mrs. Santiago stayed as a silent patron on their side through it all and helped them with a lot of things like financing new equipments, advertising in newspapers and new media or networking._ _

__Soon they were overrun by new costumers that recommended their magical work and the avalanche was rolling. It was stunning how fast they made a name in their indutry country- and worldwide._ _

__A smile appeared on Magnus' face while he went through the memories. They really did it and he was so damn proud of them. For the first time in his life, something seemed to work out just right. One part of his life was perfect and with this heartwarming feeling he walked to the door._ _

__“I'm back, Cat,” he said as he walked in and hung up his coat._ _

__“Right on point, Magnus,” Ragnor greeted him with a small nod. “Yeah, sorry, couldn't make it sooner, traffic was hell,” he defended himself. “You walk....Mister.” Ragnor raised an eyebrow._ _

__“The risk working with me I guess...” Magnus only shrugged and looked to find Cat who emerged from around the corner. "Oh, darling…. You're still alive!" she bantered and hugged him. "Glad you didn't call the cops to drag me back here sooner." "Had them on speed dial for later," she snickered. "Imagine them storming in while I was showering. Not sure if it is a turn on or not...” Ragnor had to resist a loud snort. "Well, thank you for the picture…."_ _

__"You two are welcome." Magnus kissed Cats cheek. “Is Raph here too?” he asked looking at her._ _

__"Sure, I'm here. Where else would I be when 'Blackberries are only dark raspberries' are having a photoshoot here?" Raph asked standing at the front door. Magnus walked up to him and gave him a long welcome hug. "Thanks for coming in on your day off. I really appreciate that, you know." He gave Raphael a puzzled look. "That's what they call themselfs this week? I surely missed that memo. Interesting choice. Personally I liked 'Pineapples gone wild' more. Shorter, more concise. But at least they stuck to... fruits," He laughed. "How can they do that? Their management must be pissed about changing their name now and then.... Anyway, what do we have to do before they get here?" he asked._ _

__"Well, actually nothing. Some of us are hard-working during someones absence," Ragnor told him smirking._ _

__"Yeah, my friend, you get an extra sticker on your good-behave-card. Big promise," Magnus grinned back. Ragnor slapped slightly against Magnus' shoulder and muttered a 'Hate you' into his direction. "No you don't!" Ragnor stated matter-of-factly and blew him a kiss through the air._ _

__Seconds later the bell above the door rang once more and the small group exchanged one final look._ _

__"Time to party," Magnus almost ethusiastically screamed at them and they all went to welcome the popular band and their crew._ _

__"Simon Leeeeewis, darling. Such a pleasure meeting you again. Long time no see," Magnus gave him a long hug and then turned towards the other three band members saying hello to them, too. "How was your flight?"_ _

__"Bumpy as hell. My mom would've flown the damn plane better… But nonetheless, we're here and that's the only thing that matters, right?" Simon smiled. "Sure she would. She's one tough lady." Magnus replied with a grin. He knew Simon and his family from one of his darker times and Mrs. Lewis helped him recover, she fought like a lion and Magnus made it through alive. He would never forget her effort._ _

__Simon let his gaze wander around the place. "It's really amazing to see where you are now, Magnus. I'm really and truly happy for you." He gave him an honest smile. "For you al! And good to know you're back in the States. I missed you. I am sorry we didn't stay in touch properly. Really." The last words were only a shy whisper, too ashamed of what had happened._ _

__“Drop the past. You are here now and as you said, that's all that matters.” Magnus said with an honest impression of forgiveness._ _

__"It's really nice to meet you all," Cat softly said, her first words since their arrival. She had been really nervous before, wondering if this arrangement would do more harm than be of any good. Magnus had a lot of history to carry around and she knew that Simon might trigger some unpleasant memories. But seeing this relieved her and her heart felt tons lighter as she went to Simon and gave him a long embrace. “Magnus told so much about you... and before you ask, just in the good ways!”_ _

__“So what about you, should we start?” Magnus asked around._ _

__“Sure, but first let us eat. The food on the plane was disgusting, but my girlfriend is on the phone outside talking to her brother. He should bring us something from his restaurant soon.”_ _

__“Oh, well, well, well, she must be really badass if she tamed you. Who's she?” Magnus asked very surprised._ _

__“Her name is Isabelle Lightwood,” Simon explained with a bright glow in his eyes._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can this be true? Will they meet a third time?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the stars have mercy and they'll find each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sweeties :)
> 
> Wish you all a good sunday, hope your batteries are loading for the next week.
> 
> lovely greetings :)

„Jace.. please... drop it, now.... for fuck's sake!“ Alecs hissed through his gritted teeth, his face already petrified; inside he was seething dangerously. He was beside himself, stuck in a state of outrage. And the fact, that the whole mess stirred up such strong emotions, only drove him further into his anger. He was trapped in a vicious cycle with no exit available.

Unable to calm himself, his whole body started to tremble. Slightly at first, but steadily increasing second by second. The tension, which had built up deep inside of him, was slowly crawling within him, feeding his urge to explode, to release the force somehow.

His clenched fists longed to break something, anything, someone. It surely would feel so relieving to grab Jace and throw him against the next wall. To see him bleed, to watch as he suffered. The way he always did. Compensatory justice would be heaven on earth right now. But through his revenge clouded eyes Alec looked into deep pleading heterochromatic ones and his tension ran down on him like raindrops and seeped into the ground.

„Alec, man... you have to see the truth... he's a fucking psychopath!“ Jace spoke from across the room, using all powers of persuasion. He knew Alec well enough to keep a certain distance between them for the time being. „Please, I'm begging you... as your brother... let us talk.“

They were standing in the middle of their restaurant kitchen. Minutes ago they had received the deliveries from the wholesale market and were about to put them away. But obviously they didn't get far. Instead, they circled around the large cooking block in the center of the room, keeping their eyes on the opponent, lying in waiting for the next step.

„Alec, he ambushed Max and threatened him...that has to stop. Right now!“ Crackling flames sprang from Jace's eyes, ready to burn any enemy on the spot. He was serious about it this time. They both would close the open case now, once and for all.

„I know, I was there yesterday, remember? Maryse called Izzy and me, and we came _immediately_. And, for crying out loud, Sebastian _wasn't a threat_ there!“ He didn't know if he defended Sebastian or him right now. Most likely both at the same time. It was exactly as it had been in every altercation for the past few weeks. In the end he had defended Sebastian no matter what, and drove himself further and further away from his own family.

Three months ago, in a phase of extraordinary courage, he had gone to Sebastian's apartment, threw his few things in a box and left him behind. Since then, Alec had felt as if his life was driving in a carousel, which turned faster and faster around itself, until his nausea rose to a point when he had to vomit. Was this how withdrawl felt like? The state in which every cell in one's body sweated, twitched nervously, and licked its fingers after the next blissful dose, knowing full well that one should stay away from the drug? Sebastian had been his drug for two years - two fucking years, three months and 21 days (he woudn't count). And now he had to get out of this swamp. Because that was the truth. At first the drug had felt indescribable, like heaven with angels singing only for you; but the higher he shot up, the deeper he fell. And boy did he fall. Every day anew, until his body was black and blue and his bones were broken. Calling it a toxic relationship would be the understatement of the year.

„He.. what? Are you out of your mind?“ Jace cried out in frustration, slamming the first box he could reach to the ground and the freshly delivered apples rolled in all directions over the white tiles. „This is serious shit, Alec... He is dangerous and we need professional help now. He's been stalking you for weeks .“

„Sebastian only wanted to see me and talk.... Nothing more.“ Deep down he knew, Jace was right. But out of his long-standing habit, he downplayed everything Sebastian did. It was their third fight today and Alec couldn't hear it anymore. The truth was a sharp sword, cutting deeper piece by piece, and Alec had to flee now, otherwise his already weakened wall would break completely.

„Okay, look, I will talk to him. Tell him to stop. Okay? He always shows understanding. For example he didn't say anything about any of our meetings, parties, evenings out. He wasn't jealous at all. He's not that kind of a person!“ Really, why was he whining like this? He didn't understand. All that Alec knew was that it was highly unfair to yell at Jace, getting all of his frustration out on him. Jace was definitely the wrong person to address. It wasn't his fault at all. His brother was only protective, really caring for him, and of course that fact gave Alec a warm feeling, but it wasn't enough. It didn't fill the open gap by far. And there was the rest of the dignity, Alec possessed. He was a grown up man, ready to take care of himself. He could do that and he wouldn't need an extra bodyguard to stand up for him. Jace shouldn't interfere in his matters. He may have fallen, but he would rise from the dust. Right?

„You better stay the hell away from him!“ Jace had no strength left to back off and went at Alec in his effervescent rage, took him by his shoulders and pressed him hard against the wall. „Alec, I love you, I really do, but I will not stand by and watch how he destroys our family!“ His eyes were sparkling dangerously again, letting no room for any interpretations on how seriously he had meant his words.

And Alec understood. He was defeated.

Defeated by life.

Alec's body tension was became softer, almost completely subsiding, and a painful grip turned into a loving, empowering embrace between two broters.

„I just can't... he is too...“ Alec's words could only be heard as low sobs with his head resting against Jace's shoulder. Too much had happened in the past and the point of no return had long been past by. Tears, held back far too long, just gushed out of his closed eyes. Admitting that repression didn't pave the way cut deep wounds in Alecs' flesh, the healing of which seemed a long way off.

„I've got you.. we get through this. I promise,“ Jace tried to comfort his brother, sending deep loving vibes into him, but he was fully aware that the whole thing would take more than a few words or a few hugs. The situation was devastating, destructive, and Alec was right in the middle of this spiral.

„Look at me,“ Jace said and reached out for Alec's chin to bring his head back up. „Listen to me... please, let us talk to the police...“ But Alec didn't let him finish, instead he tried to forcefully to push Jace away. He barely managed to swallow the urge to hit Jace's chest hard, or his face. Instead, put his right hand on his shoulder, keeping him at a safe distance.

„No, Jace, I said no! No police!“ He wanted to scream, but his voice failed pathetically and came out only half as loud as planned, almost a whimper. Alec closed his eyes, trying to stop new tears from falling.

He knew the truth but wasn't strong enough to admit it to anybody yet. Some parts of him were still too addicted to this bastard. No matter how long ago the relationship had ended, as soon Sebastian showed him the slightest bit of attention or affection, Alec was back on the hook. It didn't matter that he tried to focus on the moments of abuse or that his mind showed him all the pictures of the deeds his boyfriend had committed against him. His brain only fogged up in bliss and didn't sober up until Sebastian was gone.

„Drop it for the moment, please, I have to focus on work. Izzy called. We should bring the food.“ He wiped his tears away and tried to smile. For him the topic was over. At least for now. He knew Jace would argue about it later again. He was too stubborn to just let it go. „So will you help me?“

He couldn't voice it out clearly. Talking with somebody about it was a goal which was out of reach by far. His family had figured most of it out, of this he was sure, They had enough visible pevidence for that. But sitting together while talking about feelings, thoughts and ideas what to do next, wouldn't happen. At least from Alec's side. And certainly no talking to the police. Not yet.

„Yes, boss. Always.“ Jace's face softened, showing all the affection he was unable to voice out. He wasn't that good with words, but he would show Alec all his deep feelings for him, until he would understand how much loved he was. No matter the circumstances, in the end they both knew that they could rely on each other. They are family, the strongest bond imaginable. Right?

„Let's get started then.“ Jace patted Alec's shoulder twice, gently, and bent down to collect the spilled apples.

Alec cleared his throat one last time and tried to let the conversation and all the feelings, that went with it, disappear into a place deep within his soul, hoping that it would get better someday, somewhere.

He turned his focus towards this upcoming event. He hadn't done catering in a long time, too absorbed in the restaurant and its evening guests. But that was exactly what made the blood rushed faster in his veins, what made his adrenaline levels soar, what brought him pure ecstasy. It was once his drug; he should consider switching again.  
…..

"Hey guys, in about twenty minutes we can all eat. My brothers got in the car just now.” reported a young, incredibly pretty woman proudly and excitedly as she strutted into the shop. Magnus could hardly believe it. Was that Simon's girlfriend? No way! An enchanting fairy that could have come straight out of Vogue. She had his undivided attention immediately. She was amazingly hot, he could admit without shame.

“Well, hello...,” he purred and held out his hand to her, “we haven't been formally introduced. I'm Magnus, Magnus Bane... and yo...” He was quickly interrupted by Simon who took his hand and shook it profusely instead.

“Back off and behave, little tiger! She's taken.” To confirm his point, he tried to pump himself up to look bigger, put his hands on either side of his hips and bobbed his left foot nervously.

“Oh c'mon, Si, stop being envious. Jealousy doesn't suit you at all.” And to confirm _her_ point, she wrapped an arm around him and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, supressing a chuckle. With a bright smile she looked at Magnus “I'm Izzy, nice to meet you.” She couldn't help but to give him a cheeky wink.

Magnus blinked twice and gracefully stroke the hand through his hair that had been rudely shaken off just moments ago. “For the record, I just praise her beauty. Nothing wrong with thaaat,” Magnus said, hoping that his raised eyebrows were indicating his innocent intentions.

"You said the food will arrive soon? That's definitely good news. Magnus has the habit to suck life energy through his camera. Better brace yourself before the shooting.” Cat snickered from behind, stroking Magnus back unnoticeably, assuring him that everything is fine.

"Yeah, and I'm saving it in my piggybank so I will get two hundred years old, minimum. Just need one more heart from a virgin and three pointy ears from elves and I can make the spell," he shot back while making mysterious swirlings with his fingers, grateful for the topic change.

"Wish it would be that easy," Cat and Izzy said in sync with dreamy looks on their faces.

"Oh, honey, you will always be the prettiest woman in the whole world for me, no matter the age," Magnus assured her while placing a soft kiss on Cat's temple.

"Please, where can I clone you?"

"Noooo, I definitely want to stay unique, my dear. And besides. If there would be a me around, I would bang him myself." Magnus brightly smiled at her. "And now the only-me will get you all drinks." He gracely accepted all the yuks and ughs he got, even the light blow on his arm from Cat was all right. He walked catwalk-like towards their kitchen to pursue his second passion there, preparing cocktails for having a party.  
....  
Magnus reappeared after a while with a fully packed tray and handed everyone a strong alcoholic drink without asking. Noticing the raised eyesbrows, he replied nonchalantly that he assumed rock stars must be used to a certain alcohol level. And besides, it would warm them up from the inside, good for the topless pictures later on, the special ones for the groupies; making no statement about how seriously he meant it.

After he still had one glass left on his tray, he looked around confused and noticed the absence of Cat.

“Where's my precious Catarina?”

“She saw the caterer arriving and wanted to show them the backdoor to your kitchen. So they can directly set up the food there.”

“Perfect. Wondering what she's ordered. I better take a sneak peek.” Satisfied with his solution to end his curiousity, he turned around on the spot and headed for the kitchen.

The second he turned around the corner into the long corridor of his shop, he could hear the typical noises when metal plates hit against each other. There in the kitchen was definitely somebody busy at work.

Shortly before reaching the door he stopped and stuck his head only far enough into the door frame that he could catch a glimpse of the inside of their kichen.

He saw a man from behind, standing at the opposite wall, arranging some catering trays on a table and Magnus was instantly hooked, couldn't quite understand what was happening in the milisecond of the moment; the syrenic call was strong and the back of this man sang to him in a pleasant tone, which his body magically answered, intoxicated by the an irristible pull.

What was it that got his instant attention? Why was he focussing like a lion, targeting its prey? And just like the majestic predator, Magnus let his nostrils sniff the air, trying to get a glimse of the man's own special scent. But he wasn't prepared for the scent explosion he experienced, for which a few single molecules had already been sufficient. It smelled so familiar, almost like home. The fragrances of cedarwood, vanilla and tonka bean swirled around him, dancing with cinamon and cardamon. He loved the scent which mixed with the unique aroma of wood and masculinity of the stranger. He was always a very sensual type, and this triggered him in all the good ways. He remembered this unique scent, but from whom? A wild storm swept through his head while trying to grip the black sceme in his head; it was on the tip of his tongue, but he was unable to find a clear answer. There was only a black shadow corresponding to the smell. A familiar shadow and he was not averse to him.

He let his gaze wander for any further clues and got surprised. Upon closer inspection, Magnus noticed that the man was dressed for business. He wore a long-sleeved chef's jacket in a dark blue, absolut fancy denim. The stitches were set off in a light brown color and the jacket had a stand-up collar as a small, but outstanding detail. His trousers matched the jacket and he wore neatly cleaned leather shoes. Magnus was impressed, he had dressed up like a chef just for delivering his catering. That was something.  
The other man still wasn't aware of Magnus' presence, too deeply taken away by his work and not paying any attention to his surrounding. It kind of remembered Magnus of himself. He could dedicate himself to one single thing just the same, totally happy by doing his work. Taking pictures, his passion, once a hobby, made it to his job which paid his rent. And what could give you more satisfaction than to get money for something you really adore and love? Okay, it was a hypothetical question...

Magnus watched the other man runninh his gaze over the different plates again and again, as if he were extremely unsure. Why was he radiating strong feelings like fear, insecurity and self-critism off? Wave after wave. What could this handsome man be so worried about?

When the man took out a plate full of colorful cupcakes from underneath an aluminum foil, the silence was broken by a high-pitched squeak and the man turned around, startled, and glared at Magnus like a deer stodd in front of the headlights. His face was pale and his eyes wide open, totally terrified he stood there, holding his breath. His mouth opened and closed, with no sound coming out.

As the veil of shock in front of his eyes slowly cleared up and they focussed again, Magnus could marvel with his own eyes how even more color escaped from his already very pale face. It made him really worried about the man's health. Would he faint?

Or was Magnus fainting? Because his body and mind seemed to be ignoring a very important fact right now. And that with an absoluteness that was second to none.

This couldn't be true, right? In which kind of ironic alternative universe was he trapped?

Was this world still turning?

He could still hear the second hand on the clock above the sink, but the time stood still for him nonetheless.

He could still sense his excited breathing, felt the air bubbling up to every alveoli as he took a sharp breath, but the cells didn't get any oxygen.

He could still feel the blood rushing through his ear; so loud it was as if madness overwhelmed him, but he surprisingly kept his control.

There he was, standing like Magnus' personal Holy Grail. Not even three meters away. He could almost feel the body heat radiating off him, feel his breath tickling his skin; he just had to grab him, hug him and never let him go.

What a coincidence of fate! He was allowed to go through this once again, He got nothing to lose, but could win the world.

Magnus looked into adoring hazel-colored eyes, quietly asking for permission. He cleared his throat und moved forward, breaking into the other man's personal zone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible that they actually talk to each other?!


End file.
